1. "The Room" – San Francisco's Soapy Mystery
In San Francisco, a city of love, love twisted into a melodramatic mess for Johnny and his pals. Johnny, a successful banker, blissfully loved Lisa. A fly in the ointment, Lisa claimed Johnny hit her, which he certainly did not.
Meanwhile, Denny, their "young" neighbor, borrowed money from a drug dealer and got into trouble. Lisa confessed her false claims but then seduced Johnny's best friend, Mark. Throw in a random football game, and you've got "The Room."
With its out-of-nowhere plot points, was it a love story, drama, or comedy? Nobody knows.
2. "From Justin to Kelly" – A Beachy Blunder
Sun, sea, and serendipity? Not quite. Kelly, a waitress, and Justin, a college student, met during spring break in Miami. Their budding romance was interrupted by Alexa, Kelly's jealous friend, who schemed to keep them apart.
In a twist no one asked for, the beach's local whipped cream bikini contest became pivotal. Side plots were as tangled as seaweed, with sidekicks and song numbers aplenty. It tried to ride the "American Idol" wave but ended up beached and befuddled.
3. "Catwoman" – A Purr-fect Disaster
Gotham has Batman, but this isn't that story. This is about Patience Phillips, a graphic designer who, after a deadly corporate conspiracy, got resurrected by an Egyptian Mau cat. Transformed, she gained the abilities and temperament of a cat (not kidding).
As Catwoman, she pursued justice against the evil cosmetics mogul while juggling a romance with a detective. Confusing motives, odd basketball scenes, and a cat-obsessed aesthetic dominated.
Was it a superhero movie, a cautionary tale about skincare, or a tragic romance? It left many scratching their heads instead of purring in delight.
4. "Gigli" – An Abduction Attraction
Larry Gigli, a low-level mobster, was hired to kidnap Brian, the mentally challenged brother of a federal prosecutor. Tasked with ensuring Gigli doesn't mess up was Ricki, a beautiful female mobster. Despite their rocky start and an awkward turkey-based seduction attempt, romance bloomed.
Their escapade included lectures on love, life, and linguistics. As the plot meandered, it was hard to tell if it was about crime, love, or simply Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez's real-life romance. Was it a comedy, crime drama, or romantic tragedy? All we know is that "Gigli" rhymes with "really?"
5. "The Love Guru" – Spirituality Gone Silly
Maurice Pitka, an American raised outside of his country by gurus, returned to the U.S. as a spiritual healer and self-help guru. Hired by the Toronto Maple Leafs hockey team's owner, his task? Mend the relationship of the star player, Darren, and his estranged wife, who was dating a well-endowed rival goalie.
Cue raunchy jokes, elephants in the room (literally), and questionable insights. Featuring a cross-eyed guru, a motorized pillow, and a plethora of celebrity cameos. Aiming for slapstick comedy, was it a parody, a rom-com, or a spiritual guide gone haywire? The jury's still out on that one.
6. "Battlefield Earth" – A Futuristic Fumble
In the year 3000, Earth wasn't what it used to be. Dominated by the Psychlos, an alien race, humans were endangered.
Enter Jonnie Goodboy Tyler, a human rebel with a peculiar name, who decided to fight back. Using ancient human technology, he plotted an uprising. Jet planes, gold obsessions, and bad wigs set the scene.
Was it a commentary on society, a space opera, or just a chance for John Travolta to wear platform boots? Alas, even in the far future, this film feels outdated.
7. "Swept Away" – Stranded and Stumped
Amber, a spoiled socialite, and her husband boarded a yacht with friends. But when she and Giuseppe, a communist sailor, got stranded on a deserted island, societal roles flipped.
From captive to captor, their relationship swayed between hatred and passion. Throw in some survival antics, power dynamics, and a half-baked love story.
Was it a satire, a love story, or a survival drama? It swept away logic, leaving audiences more confused than castaways without a compass.
8. "Spice World" – Pop's Puzzling Plot
The Spice Girls, riding their global fame, decided to embark on a cinematic journey. They navigated a series of random misadventures, from an alien encounter to a boot camp drill, en route to their big London concert.
The narrative got spiced up with flashbacks, dream sequences, and a bus jump across the Tower Bridge. Was it a musical, a buddy comedy, or a meta-commentary on fame? The movie might not have spiced up our lives, but it sure left a zany impression.
9. "The Master of Disguise" – Disguised Disarray
Pistachio Disguisey, a bumbling waiter with a penchant for mimicking, discovered his heritage as a master of disguise.
Tasked with saving his kidnapped parents, he adopted wild personalities, from turtle man to cherry pie. Amid slapstick gags, fart jokes, and eyebrow antics, he battled a criminal mastermind aiming to steal precious artifacts.
Was it a family film, a comedy of errors, or a showcase for Dana Carvey's impressions? Unfortunately, it remained cloaked in confusion.
10. "Freddy Got Fingered" – Absurdity's Apex
Gord, an aspiring cartoonist, moved back in with his parents, leading to surreal confrontations with his father.
From sausages attached to fingers to delivering a baby while ripping the umbilical cord with his teeth, Gord's antics reached peak absurdity. A tale of deer carcasses, cheese helmets, and a paraplegic love interest named Betty.
Was it an avant-garde critique, a coming-of-age tale, or a testament to Tom Green's bizarre humor? It certainly got people talking, even if they weren't sure what they'd witnessed.